im scared about tomorrow i dont want to meet
him i am scared out of my mind and then just really numb to it all.
i am just trying to decide what i am living for. i mean i only have my mom and brothers left. i am pretty sure love doesnt exist. and now i am giving my body up. i meet a guy on saturday and hes paying for my company. with a wink in the bottom of the ocean. i am drowning so far it doesnt escape me. i am literally numb now no amount of therapy is going to save me. at least now i get 800 dollars a month. sometimes i wish maybe saturday hell kill me make people care. i have lost all touch. life killed my soul. i need a pack of cigs. i need weed. i need to get lost
I am letting myself cry for all of the shit that i deal with. having marcus not talk to me for a year to come crawling back i hate looking at him cause i still love him. watching everything boil over. i am so lonely
i am just really hate my life.
“stories.. there are so many tiny, beautiful stories that made me feel alive again. but i feel like they cheat me because i didn’t see him so much. sometimes i find myself remembering so vividly that my lips are moving or i start to laugh but then i realise it’s over and the beautiful little story warps.”